sunday night blessings

It's Sunday night and I just sent my family off to watch the big game with friends. Why am I missing out on laughs with friends, giggles from kids, funny commercials, and super yummy Superbowl food?

I am sick. Sick as a dog. Sick as in I've been in bed since Wednesday night. I can't remember the last time I've felt this miserable. And it doesn't seem to be getting much better - Uggghh!!!!

I thought it was the flu due to fever and chills but once those went away all I've been left with is congestion - congestion so bad I haven't been able to breath out of either nostril in my nose for the past 4 days!!! I ran through my box of Tylenol Severe Cold pretty fast and am almost done with the Afrin I'm only allowed to take for three days. Luckily, Brooklyn had a doctor's appointment for tomorrow that I had already scheduled months ago - so hopefully while the doc is looking at her for some allergic reactions she's been having I can get something to provide some relief and finally be able to breath again! After missed out parties, pawned off sharing times, playgroup switches - I sure hope I'm up and running again pretty soon!

These past couple days I've been feeling absolutely rotten physically. That can sometimes make me feel down in the dumps about other things as well. So I thought I'd make a list of some of the things I truly am grateful for in my life right now - to help lift my mood :)

1. My health - other than this little episode that will hopefully be over sooner rather than later - me and my family have good health. We are rarely sick and have no major or chronic issues that we have to deal with. We are blessed.

2. My husband - I have always known he's amazing but this past week solidified that to me once again. How did I get so lucky? He took a day off work, went in late, and kept the entire house running so I haven't needed to leave my bedroom. I send him a text and he brings me anything I need :) I am blessed.

3. My kids - I sure love those two boogers. They fight and whine like the rest of them but they both are really so sweet. They love, are kind, try to help, inquisitive to learn, try new things, imaginative and creative, love to read, and are old enough to know that I've been sick and too leave me alone to wallow into my comforter - of course they've joined me for a few snuggles of course ;) I am blessed.

4. Hope - We've been trying to conceive for 8 months now. It's been a long road for me. I hadn't had a period on my own for an entire year. After medications and now some testing it was determined that I wasn't ovulating at all. Probably something due to my marathon training/weight/eating - my body wasn't getting enough and decided to hibernate for awhile. Why me? Who knows? There are many people who run marathons and are smaller than me and do perfectly fine but for some reason my body wasn't cut out to do it - at least while we're still growing our family.

This month I started the fertility drug clomid. I took the ovulation tests and they said I ovulated! Hallelujah :) I got pregnant with my other girls on the first try. I was one of the those girls who didn't have to "try" to get pregnant - my mom called me 'fertile myrtle'. I couldn't really empathize with others who had fertility issues because I never experienced it myself. Now I have. And it sucks when you want something so bad that is so good and you don't get it. It's teaching me and in turn I'm learning and growing and coming to know that I'm not the one in charge. I'm not getting my hopes up that it will happen right away for us but I do have hope that we will have more children sometime in the future. I'm blessed to believe that.

5. Patience - Over the course of time we've been trying to have a baby my doctor has been progressively cutting the miles I run. It was only 15 a week until this past month. Jan. 5th was the last day I've run. For exactly one month now I have done no form of intentional physical exercise. I love to run. Although I do it for exercise and health I do it because it's my actual hobby. As we're driving down the road and I see others running my heart longs to be out there with them. Hopefully my 'no running' stint will help aid in this baby making process but I've been tested and forced to learn patience along the road. Patience that one day I'll be able to run to my little heart's content again (the doc said whenever i get pregnant). Patience that this will all be worth it and one day that pregnancy test is going to be positive. Patience that one day I'll have a sweet little baby to hold in my arms again. I'm blessed to be given trials that help me grow and become stronger.

6. A Plan - I'm most importantly grateful for my beliefs. My belief that I have a loving Heavenly Father and Savior that know me and love me and have felt the exact pain I'm going through at this very moment. I'm grateful to have been raised in a home where these things were taught, that I believe, and that I've come to know for sure on my own they're true. I know Heavenly Father has a plan. I don't know what it is nor do I get to control any of it. But it is purposeful, and sacred, and ultimately - divine. I'm blessed to have someone else in charge.