I have a friend who used to always look at her family pictures and feel like there was a hole. An empty spot in the photograph that needed to be filled. That feeling always lead to another baby joining thier family.
When I look at this picture of my girlies I clearly see a hole. It's empty and everyone in our family feels it needs to be filled. Its been four months now of actively 'trying' and still no baby on the way.
I was always one of those girls who got pregnant on the very first try. I never hoped and hoped for a baby and got a negative pregnancy test. Until now. I try to not care and carry on and hope for next month and tell myself it's just not the right time but it's starting to get hard and tiring and sometimes I'm just sad. I'm excited for friends and new babies but can't help to long for that same thing. The sympathy I had for others who had to wait longer than they wanted for a baby has turned into empathy. I get it now.
So for now - I take Elder Uchtdorf's advice and don't wait for my 'golden ticket' to happiness. I love my girls like crazy. I express my gratitude for the two most precious angels I'm already incredibly lucky to have. I try to be happy in the here and now on my journey and take comfort in the hope that one day our family will expand - but for whatever reasons its just not right now.
6 comments:
You do have two precious angels! And a third (and maybe more!) will join you guys sometime :) I think of you often and pray for you guys. Please let me know what I can do to help in anyway.
It's totally not easy (!)...but somehow it all comes together :). Your girls are so sweet and it'll be so fun to see them welcome a little one to your fam! ♥ your post...and ♥ you!
You know I understand. ♥ I love you, and I'm here, anytime you need me.
There is a scripture that has been my favorite for a long time, and helped me through years of struggling with this very same desire. Proverbs 3:5--Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and he shall direct thy paths. I look back now and I'm so grateful that it turned out the way it did--even though it was SO hard.
That little baby will come to you and your sweet family, I just know it!
You know how I feel about holes in my pictures...they are no good! I am so sorry for this trial you are facing right now and I hope it comes to an end very soon for you. You are in my prayers. I could not agree with Kierste more, that scripture is perfect. Hang in there and know how loved you are, especially by your Father in Heaven.
The waiting. . . it's no fun. I'm sorry this is your trial right now - it's a big one.
You have a great attitude! Hang in there. Remember that Heavenly Father has a plan for you and your family :)
You know I am right there with you..empathizing like crazy. It is hard but so grateful for the blessings I have. Going on 4 years now myself and the negative pregnancy tests don't get any easier but eternal perspective becomes clearer!
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